she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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