I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize