Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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