If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God, I missed his penis.
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