They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
