K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
