my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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