Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
