There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My Higher Power is John Stamos
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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