Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
