at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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