you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
