So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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