Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize