I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
