If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize