Having a random hookup so left but love u
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize