And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize