And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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