there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
