A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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