Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
