dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
