How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
