It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
