i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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