I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
