Everything about him screamed your future.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
