new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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