I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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