I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
