it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
