if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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