we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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