Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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