too bad you live with your parents still
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
