Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
