i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The adults are the big ones right?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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