If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
