hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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