Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
