my phone needs a breathalizer
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
