I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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