i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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