Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
