I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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