It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
