he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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