You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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