he thought i was a dude.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
