Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
