just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
