have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
