the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
