btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
