it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize