then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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