So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
