i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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