3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
