she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
