Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
