what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize