I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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